Gonzo Sarcasm

Your daily helping of bile in one easy dose.

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I don’t know why I like this song so much, but I do.

Cider

So my parents bought me one of those make-your-own-cider kits for Christmas.  Well, actually it was for me and the Man-creature, but he has an actual job to keep him occupied. Anyway, I’ve sort of adopted the damn thing.

I think my first attempt at brewing cider from the stuff provided in the kit went quite well considering.  So far it has failed to:

  1. explode; or
  2. send anyone blind.

- so all in all, I’d call it a resounding success.

image

Didn’t explode.

On the downside, it doesn’t taste like anything much.  Probably because I used shitty cheap ingredients from a kit.

I’m currently attempting batch 2.0 with store-bought ingredients.

image

Hasn’t exploded yet.

Since waiting about 15 years for some actual cider apples to grow, then picking and pressing arseloads of said apples was out of the question, I’ve settled for a combination of Nudie juice and this cold pasteurised Granny Smith juice they sell at Coles, with Safale S-04 yeast.  I’m hoping that the Granny Smith juice will add some acidity that the home brew websites I’ve read assure me that juicing apples lack.

Will report back on whether this experiment results in tasty cider, or just a garage full of rotten apple juice and high-velocity glass shards.

Makin’ cider in a bucket. #Bored #WillProbablyExplode

I’m the son of rage and love
The Jesus of Suburbia
From the bible of none of the above
On a steady diet of
Soda pop and Ritalin
No one ever died for my sins in hell
As far as I can tell
At least the ones I got away with

This seems kind of appropriate today.

Conversations that must have happened in evil corporations

  • HSE Advisor:: Sir, you know that top secret and highly unethical viral research that our R&D people are performing?

  • Managing Director:: You mean the stuff that could wipe out life on earth as we know it if it ever escaped the lab?

  • HSE Advisor:: Yes, that.

  • Managing Director:: What about it?

  • HSE Advisor:: Well there's a few simple measures we could take to prevent a serious incident. For example, many labs have a system in place that will lock down and incinerate the room in the event of a serious breach, thus destroying the virus.

  • Managing Director:: No, we discussed this. I want all the doors to spring open if that happens, so people can get out.

  • HSE Advisor:: Well can we at least put the air-conditioning for the labs on a separate system, so that the entire building won't get contaminated if somebody drops a test tube?

  • Managing Director:: Absolutely not. We'd have to shut the building down for like, a whole two weeks.

  • HSE Advisor:: Sir we are talking about an environmental incident that could wipe out all life on earth...

  • Managing Director:: Well we don't have the budget for that stuff.

  • HSE Advisor:: But we work for a seemingly omnipotent multinational corporation!

  • Managing Director:: I know but we blew the entire budget for this financial year on the shark tank, holographic projectors and that fancy-ass board room table.

  • HSE Advisor:: I hate my job.

They went with songs to the battle, they were young.
Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.

Laurence Binyon, from For the Fallen

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

Found this in the mail this morning. Apparently banana vending machines are a thing now.

Because I have an entirely unhealthy obsession with Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining.  In case it wasn’t obvious from the decor.

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