Gonzo Sarcasm

Your daily helping of bile in one easy dose.

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Makin’ cider in a bucket. #Bored #WillProbablyExplode

I’m the son of rage and love
The Jesus of Suburbia
From the bible of none of the above
On a steady diet of
Soda pop and Ritalin
No one ever died for my sins in hell
As far as I can tell
At least the ones I got away with

This seems kind of appropriate today.

Conversations that must have happened in evil corporations

  • HSE Advisor:: Sir, you know that top secret and highly unethical viral research that our R&D people are performing?

  • Managing Director:: You mean the stuff that could wipe out life on earth as we know it if it ever escaped the lab?

  • HSE Advisor:: Yes, that.

  • Managing Director:: What about it?

  • HSE Advisor:: Well there's a few simple measures we could take to prevent a serious incident. For example, many labs have a system in place that will lock down and incinerate the room in the event of a serious breach, thus destroying the virus.

  • Managing Director:: No, we discussed this. I want all the doors to spring open if that happens, so people can get out.

  • HSE Advisor:: Well can we at least put the air-conditioning for the labs on a separate system, so that the entire building won't get contaminated if somebody drops a test tube?

  • Managing Director:: Absolutely not. We'd have to shut the building down for like, a whole two weeks.

  • HSE Advisor:: Sir we are talking about an environmental incident that could wipe out all life on earth...

  • Managing Director:: Well we don't have the budget for that stuff.

  • HSE Advisor:: But we work for a seemingly omnipotent multinational corporation!

  • Managing Director:: I know but we blew the entire budget for this financial year on the shark tank, holographic projectors and that fancy-ass board room table.

  • HSE Advisor:: I hate my job.

They went with songs to the battle, they were young.
Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.

Laurence Binyon, from For the Fallen

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

Found this in the mail this morning. Apparently banana vending machines are a thing now.

Because I have an entirely unhealthy obsession with Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining.  In case it wasn’t obvious from the decor.

I have this stuck in my head.  As is my usual practice, you all have to suffer too.

Um… I don’t think that’s quite right, Facebook. 

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